SKIING Scene: Late Nite with Dynastar

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In November, Dynastar will begin airing the first major ski-related infomercial with hopes of driving its equipment sales through the roof¿much like Ronco did with its wildly successful Inside the Egg Scrambler. But how does Dynastar's effort stack up against the other heavyweights of late-night hucksterism?


Product: ROCKETCHEF
What the heck is it? A zillion kitchen utensils in one; it slices, grates, whips, chops, and makes dee-licious ice cream.
Your interest is piqued when... ...hyperactive Brit John Parkin multitasks through the kitchen at warp speed.
Your bullshit alarm sounds when... ..."random passersby" use the RocketChef to trounce pro chefs at the "mall challenge."
Overwrought theatrical moment: Historical reenactment: Cavemen attempt to slice an onion with a rock.
Who's watching? Overworked house moms, stoners, line cooks.
The Deal: Only $39.95!


Product: BODY BY JAKE AB ROCKER
What the heck is it? A glorified sit-up machine.
Your interest is piqued when... ...fitness models mesmerize you with their contracting abdominal muscles.
Your bullshit alarm sounds when... ...it's implied that the models' perfect bodies can be attributed in some way to the Ab Rocker.
Overwrought theatrical moment: Pretty much anything Jake says or does.
Who's watching? One third of American women.
The Deal: Four payments of only $29.95!


Product: GLH HAIR SYSTEM FORMULA NUMBER NINE
What the heck is it? Powder that clings to a balding head's remaining hairs, creating the appearance of fuller hair.
Your interest is piqued when... ...a less-than-hirsute gentleman from the audience gets his head dusted and suddenly looks like Howard Stern.
Your bullshit alarm sounds when... ...you ask yourself what happens to a powdered pate in the rain.
Overwrought theatrical moment: The entire audience leaping to its feet for an ovation (impromptu, of course).
Who's watching? One third of American men.
The Deal: Only $19.95!


Product: DYNASTAR SKIS, LANGE BOOTS, LOOK BINDINGS
What the heck is it? Skis, boots, and, um, bindings.
Your interest is piqued when... ...you think, "Jesus! A skiing infomercial!"
Your bullshit alarm sounds when... ...a spokesperson claims the skis are "virtually guaranteed" to make you ski better. Exactly what is a virtual guarantee?
Overwrought theatrical moment: Picabo Street gushing that she knew she needed Lange boots to win the Olympics¿when she was 13.
Who's watching? You are.
The Deal: Whatever you can wangle from your local dealer!